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heart things

I had a strange thought / feeling earlier today. For some reason, I thought of a person I know, and feel rather close to (in a nearly indescribably way). But that wasn't the strange part. The strange part is that what I thought of was this person getting back together with a certain ex-someone in their life. No, not in that way... But welcoming them back into their life.

Said ex- is of the scum-sucking shit-of-the-earth variety. The real "not worthy of breathing the same air as actual people" kind. Or so I've gathered. It's how the person was originally presented to me, and other mutual friends. And they do have that certain air about them that makes you want to be on your guard, and keep far away. I mean, to the point that even my friend Jana wanted to kill them. And she's a real sweety.

Suffice it to say, I hate being right. It can be bothersome sometimes to be so closely connected to someone that you know everything going on in their life (if often in a much more abstract way).

I think I need to back away. It's dangerous, I realize. It's unhealthy for one person to be such a major focus in one's life; at least, it is when there's no actual `relationship` there, I suppose. No, it's probably all around unhealthy.. I need some friends, for crying out loud. I have very few. And they're all as unstable as I am; save one that's stable to the point of just not giving a damn.

I need to start living my own life. Figure out how to do that. Do some exploring; Maybe I'll catch a bus to Philly. I have done it once before. Only one change-over to get there. Though, it's nicer when I actually have someone there to meet. I wonder if I can work something out thataways... Well, I'll find out.

And I think what I need to do, is stop looking at the aforementioned special someone as I have been--a former lover, with plenty of passion still between us--and... start thinking of her more as a Sister. Even if it turns out not to be so in a more literal sense (and no, by that I do not mean physical relation; at least, not this lifetime). That would probably be a more healthy way of looking at the situation, with the way things currently stand.

I need to learn to be me on my own. And in so doing, find some people that can enjoy the fact, as I might of them.


Gorotsuki Tenshi

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August 2012



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