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Fun & Confirmation

Two weeks ago, as well as Monday of last week, I worked an early shift at work, filling in for the other full-timer who was out on vacation.  During this time, I put in extra hours to cover the workload and also to take this past Friday off work without using any vacation days.  I hit 80 hours a little before six o'clock on Thursday evening and took off to swing by the apartment before running to New Jersey.  Things didn't run as smoothly as I hoped, but I got to my parents' house just in time to see them before they went to bed.  I spent a lot of time talking on the phone with arkofwolf, partly as an effort to reconnect to people, partly to keep myself sane for the last half of a long trip, and stuff.

Friday morning, I had a quick salad before heading out with my dad to visit the Franklin Institute's King Tutankhamen exhibit.  There was a little confusion in trying to navigate between the directions from Google and my Dad's mental map, but we made it there just fine, listening to some blues over his Sirius satellite radio, since my iTrip was beat out by local interference and his truck's stereo doesn't have an aux. port.  (Prior to that, we were listening to Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex OST, which has some tracks that are his style of rock jam music, and he likes being introduced to new things.)

Parking was confusing, because they couldn't figure out whether or not they were going to let us park at the institute itself.  They did let us park in a safe area outside, giving us a day pass for only $15.  (I think it was normally $32.)  We got in at about 10:30, just the right time to catch the eleven o'clock IMAX show and then enter the exhibit for the noon block.  (Entry into the exhibit was broken into morning, afternoon and evening bocks.)  My newer (and uglier) student ID got us a discount from about $75 to $50, which was nice (and more than the sign said the discount would be).  The content of the documentary wasn't anything special, but it's always fun to see big, pretty landscapes and architecture on a giant, domed screen that does its best to make you feel like you're there.  We got sits just behind the projector, which made it a great experience (and meant we could put our feet up without anyone complaining, hehe).

The exhibit itself, I enjoyed.  The little blurbs they give about each piece were often simplified to the point of inaccuracy, but it's hard to be both concise and accurate about these things, so I just explained to my Dad what little I knew about the things I noticed.  I felt really comfortable there, apart from getting shoved around and crowded at times, and I guess that's part of why I decided to major in archeology; I'm really drawn to some of this stuff.  It's so interesting to look at items more than 3,000 years old and still in good condition.  Of course, not everything was, and my dad and I were looking over a small boat and pointing out which pieces looked original and which were new; some of the original was missing, and they carved out new wood to hold up the fragments that were still intact.  It's fun to look at the boat that a little, Egyptian boy played with over three millennia ago, or the one that was encased in his tomb to carry his ba into the afterlife; or the little chair he sat in, with the foot stool where his feet rested.

We got out of the exhibit at around 2:45, which was earlier than we were expecting.  There wasn't much worth looking at in the gift shop, except for a few pieces of jewelry.  The options there were the cheap, $10-$20 items, or the expensive, $3,000-$5,000 items, and we decided that anything that could be bought there could be bought elsewhere more cheaply.  We wandered around a couple of open exhibits while trying to figure out if we wanted to wait for the Tut's Oasis restaurant to open at four o'clock.  We exhausted our patience at about 3:15, and after looking the menu over, decided to just go home; the menu wasn't anything special and while not terribly priced, wasn't cheap.  Besides that, we would have gotten out just in time for rush our, and as it was, traffic was bad enough already.  Instead of eating modern Egyptian food, upon finding out that my mom treated herself to dinner already, we went to the local Japanese restaurant, where I had sashimi and my dad tried some hibachi dishes based on my recommendations.

The rest of the weekend was more laid back, which is good as I tend to need that.  Sunday morning, after fasting through the night, I went to mmsword's place and his parents helped me use their diabetic testing equipment.  It showed that, even with my strict dieting, my blood sugar levels are in the borderline range, and Kendad told me that I was smart to have been adjusting my diet.  This pretty well confirms that I am diabetic, in addition to being gluten intolerant, arthritic, and.. borreliotic? em.. anyway. ya.. well, at least I know, with as much certainty as I can before I can see a doctor.

In happier news, my boss explained to me what's been happening with my change in employment recently, and from the looks of it, I'll basically keep my job just the way it is – salary and all – but working from home, as soon as we can work out how we'll do that in the next couple weeks.  I'll generally be required to come in every Friday in order to archive my work and pick up my paychecks.  This was based on my recommendations that we could do exactly that, and the fact that none of the other things Tim wanted to try were working out. Woohoo!

Comments

( 20 comments — Leave a comment )
primaldog
Sep. 4th, 2007 10:22 pm (UTC)
This pretty well confirms that I am diabetic, in addition to being gluten intolerant, arthritic, and.. borreliotic

Uhm, have you had a health professional back up these allegations? I'd be careful about declaring yourself all these things before being looked at by a doctor.
aekiy
Sep. 4th, 2007 10:31 pm (UTC)
Like I said, with as much certainty as I can before I can see a doctor. I got 123, which is lower-end borderline, and that's without having any starches, or any sugars other than from fruit for the past some months. Jana, who has diabetes, regularly gets around 126. It's in the range that it should be controllable through diet and exercise. That's the best information I have to go on until I start working from home, which should save me enough money so that I can afford to buy health insurance and start seeing doctors.
primaldog
Sep. 4th, 2007 10:35 pm (UTC)
Even before seeing a doctor, this isn't 'knowing', and it won't be until these findings are confirmed by a health professional. I mean if I where you and I had all these problems, I would've been saving up for a health insurance plan long before, and not spent money on things like a new laptop and videogames.

Just a thought.
aekiy
Sep. 4th, 2007 10:43 pm (UTC)
I qualified that "knowing" with "as well as I can," as I mentioned in the last comment. I have been saving as much money as I can, but it still isn't enough, and I haven't been spending money on laptops and video games. I got the laptop because I required it to go to school, as my old one isn't working, and because I didn't have to pay anything for it. I won't have to start paying on it until March, by which time I'll be both saving extra money and making more money than I am now. I've also spent a sum total of about $100 on video games in the past four years.
primaldog
Sep. 4th, 2007 10:57 pm (UTC)
I'm pretty sure you've spent alot more than that, based alone on what I've seen, let alone others. I'm not even going to bother bringing up the second laptop, in addition to all the weekend roadtrips (I wish I could afford to go away on weekends like that!)--but my point has been made clear.

It seems to me that all you feel like doing is contenting yourself with perpetuating the image of being broken, and not doing anything about the alleged health problems you claim to have. Therefore, my ability to give a crap is rapidly waning, and the long list of problems is growing to a point of sheer ridiculousness.

Right now Duo and I are placing bets on how long it takes you to run crying back to Des. Again. Care to give us a clue?
aekiy
Sep. 4th, 2007 11:47 pm (UTC)
I'm pretty sure you've spent alot more than that, based alone on what I've seen, let alone others.

Well, you're wrong. I recently spent $20 to purchase a replacement for my Diablo II: Lord of Destruction expansion disc that got lost. Prior to that, I spent $70 on World of WarCraft in January because my brother wanted me to play with him, but since he never really played and I didn't like the game, I stopped playing in February, canceled the subscription and gave the game to kyrin7 to use the remaining time. Before that, I spent $20 on that cheesy Diablo clone game when I was out with Duo. Before that, I spent $15 on Phantasy Star Online: Blue Burst back in late spring/early summer, 2005. So that's $125, not counting the $60 I spent purchasing copies of Diablo as gifts for animelily, diraskyria and datacat (I didn't count those because they weren't for me).

The weekend road trips I make to see my family in New Jersey are in exchange for the cell phone and service which they've given me for free. It comes out to about the same price for the road trips and the cell phone service, and they said they'd rather get to see me now and then.

It doesn't make me content to be sick or broken. It doesn't make me content for others to see me that way -- I hope they don't, beyond the limits that it's true. I would rather no one see me as broken, but I'd also rather not be sick as I am. I have no care for creating an image of myself, but I will not censor myself from talking about my health problems just because people have created this paranoid conspiracy theory that I'm faking the whole thing to get attention. I don't want attention, any more than the casual attention of good friends, and only as much as I give them. I am doing whatever I can for my health problems, but I simply cannot afford to actually see doctors and visit hospitals without insurance, and I also cannot yet afford to purchase insurance for myself. Sure, I could buy a $35 a month plan, but that would have a $20,000 deductible, making it effectively useless -- I can't afford to pay that first $20,000 of bills. I will concede that I've probably gotten myself too focused on the fact that I'm sick, to the point of making myself depressed and anxious all the time which inhibits my healing. It's something I've been thinking about all weekend, as I try and relax. I want to try and focus more on healthy thoughts to try and break the cycle of depression and anxiety which only clouds my mind even further. I could use some help with that, but I feel bad trying to ask anything of people, especially realizing how much of a nuisance I've been to other people. I'm trying to open myself up more, but I realize I've become very inept at just about everything over the past few years.

Right now Duo and I are placing bets on how long it takes you to run crying back to Des. Again. Care to give us a clue?

Now, it seems clear that you're not trying to be helpful at all; I read this as an attack on my person. Maybe it's not meant that way, but I don't think it's an unreasonable perception. I said that I was done with her and I meant that. You haven't been around me in the past to know this, but I had honestly never said that before because I never wanted to. I live by the, perhaps naive, idea that people can change for the better, and I try to live by my heart. I love her, I genuinely do, even if that doesn't make sense, and even if it's harmful to me. I've realized recently that it isn't just harmful to me, it's harmful to my friends, and it seems harmful to her in that it allows her to perpetuate the same problems I now realize she'll never get past at least so long as I allow her to keep using me. (Continued)
primaldog
Sep. 5th, 2007 12:10 am (UTC)
r no one see me as broken, but I'd also rather not be sick as I am. I have no care for creating an image of myself, but I will not censor myself from talking about my health problems just because people have created this paranoid conspiracy theory that I'm faking the whole thing to get attention.

Well, perhaps putting yourself in other people's shoes might help you realize what might make people think that way, and maybe you could help yourself in thinking more positively by not jumping to conclusions and all these half-cocked diagnoses without the opinion of a health professional.

Now, it seems clear that you're not trying to be helpful at all; I read this as an attack on my person.

You read everything as an attack on your person. Wether it is or not is irrelevant because you are going to percieve it as such wether I say it isn't or it is. I so knew you where going to reuse that tired old line again.

I love her, I genuinely do, even if that doesn't make sense, and even if it's harmful to me. I've realized recently that it isn't just harmful to me, it's harmful to my friends,

Uhm, well. Duh.
aekiy
Sep. 5th, 2007 12:17 am (UTC)
You read everything as an attack on your person. Wether it is or not is irrelevant because you are going to percieve it as such wether I say it isn't or it is. I so knew you where going to reuse that tired old line again.

No, I don't. What started out as a skeptical point regarding my self-diagnosis turned into a discussion about how everything about me is wrong. How, exactly, does Des have anything to do with whether or not I'm diabetic? You completely changed the subject in order to say something that you knew would be hurtful to me. That is why I perceive it as an attack; obviously, under most circumstances, you wouldn't actually tell me that you're attacking me. That's the way these things go.

That's not really important, though; what's important is that while I'm trying to be reasonable, as well as I can, you're simply nitpicking everything you don't like and taking an adversarial approach to this whole discussion. Maybe it's only because those are the things you really want to talk about, not my self-diagnosis, but that doesn't change the fact that the approach you've been taken, at the very least, could be reasonbly seen as adversarial.
primaldog
Sep. 5th, 2007 12:18 am (UTC)
Also, you don't need to try to prove anything for me with regards to expenses, you're not even including both laptops, let alone the expenses you jack up going out to eat at all these expensive places, and numerous other things we could sit here all night and argue about. But I'm not, because in the end its useless, and sick people such as yourself probably won't get the hint anyway.
aekiy
Sep. 5th, 2007 12:38 am (UTC)
I eat at an $8.95 Indian buffet a couple times a week. Other than that, I eat out of the refrigerator. I eat at the buffet because it's all I can eat, which means extra nutrition that I need, and a relatively balanced meal, which is something I don't know how to cook for myself. I'm working on that. The other laptop was a cheapy that cost the same as one month of health insurance, doctor and hospital fees not included. I bought that one as a spare so that I could send my VAIO in for repairs and still have something to use to attend my online classes.

In regards to your other comment, by the way, the Lyme borreliosis and arthritis are confirmed by clincial practitioners. The gluten intolerance is confirmed by the fact that I eat gluten and it hurts; I stop, and it doesn't; and by the fact that I match all the symptoms. That's how you confirm these things; the only way to clinically confirm it is to actually consume large amounts of gluten and immediately go in for a biopsy, where they snip out a piece of your intestines to examine. Obviously, I don't have what I need to do that.

You can criticize all you like, but quite frankly, until you are living on your own, outside of your family's house, paying your way for everything, working full-time throughout the year, while pursuing a degree, you have no basis from which to criticize my life. You work 25 hours a week; I've worked 60-100 over the past couple years. You have a job that gives you a nice benefits package; I don't. You have a family that helps take care of you, regardless of the interpersonal problems; mine have only given me a cell phone in exchange for visiting them on occasion. You are blessed. I am not as fortunate. I have my flaws, but I am trying as well as I can to recognize them and improve things where I'm able. It's just that I'm only separating myself to the patterns I got stuck in while at helen99's to be able to see what kind of problems I have, and where I might be unconsciously impeding my own progress.
aekiy
Sep. 5th, 2007 12:41 am (UTC)
That should be "I'm only now separating myself from the patterns..."
helen99
Sep. 12th, 2007 05:37 pm (UTC)
But... While you were at my place you kept saying you were recovering from patterns that you'd picked up elsewhere (your parents' place, the relationship with predikit, the cult, etc. You move from place to place, and at each new place, the last place is indicated as the source of residual patterns.

All these patterns are your own. Do not indicate my name or my house as their source, neither the good nor the bad. You're going to school and arranging your work schedule in a way that is beneficial to you. That's not a result of me or my house. Nor is your being messed up.

Oh, and if you are diabetic, hie thee to a doctor pronto. That is some serious stuff. If your parents won't help, maybe your diabetic uncle will.
aekiy
Sep. 12th, 2007 07:06 pm (UTC)
I wasn't meaning your house was the source of my patterns, just that I'm starting to realize the patterns I developed while I was there (and some other things lingering from before, and how they feed into each other).
helen99
Sep. 13th, 2007 12:52 am (UTC)
Ah, ok.
primaldog
Sep. 5th, 2007 01:37 am (UTC)
You can criticize all you like, but quite frankly, until you are living on your own, outside of your family's house, paying your way for everything, working full-time throughout the year, while pursuing a degree, you have no basis from which to criticize my life.

You conveniently left out the little fact that I have lived on my own before, in NY, working 60-hour work weeks on no health insurance whatsoever on a shit job. But I'm not about to get into a pissing contest over this with you--I'm done. Not only with this, but with all this whiny bullshit pity-me routines that you always seem to like to play. You're apparent stupidity is not my problem--maybe instead of deliberately overloading yourself, you might put that money you're spending on stressing yourself by working and going to school full time into improving your health, instead of overstressing yourself then whining about how put-out, victimized and tragic you are. It doesn't impress me.
aekiy
Sep. 4th, 2007 11:47 pm (UTC)
(Continued from previous)
Yes, I've been a complete idiot about that for a long, long time. I understand that. I just never wanted to become bitter and cynical to the point that I chose to hate people that I truly care about simply because it was more convenient, and I gave her extra chances because I value the ideal of giving people the chance to create a new life and prove themselves better. No, I probably shouldn't have given her as many chances as I have. It's probably a trivial point, and maybe it's just me being defensive, but I've never actually gone to her -- she's always come to me. I think that's been part of the problem, that she's come to me and I haven't turned her away.

I suppose I could say something like "third time's the charm" or "three strikes, she's out," but that won't really be meaningful. The only way I can prove that I am sincere about never dating her again and not letting her back in my life is by never dating her again and not letting her back in my life. The only way I can prove that is with time. Unfortunately, because of my history with her so far, I think it will take about three years to show my sincerity, since she's been in and out of my life even between the times we've dated. It's up to you if you want to be around for me to prove that.

I'm sorry for whatever pain I've caused all of you because of my relationship with her. Here's my vow:

I will not, at any point, beyond legal or civil obligation, initiate contact with Desireé Danielle Bender Hosier, AKA Predikit (predikit), AKA Prey, AKA Prelee, AKA Sohma Kagura, etc. I will not, at any point, respond to any contact from Desireé nor any of her supposed alter egos ("headmates"), beyond legal or civil obligation, unless that contact is face-to-face. If Desireé contacts me in a face-to-face manner, I will respond only that I have no wish to have anything to do with her. Should Desireé persist in attempting to contact me in such a manner, I will first warn her that I will file a harassment charge, and given further contact from her, I will file a harassment charge with the appropriate authorities.

You may file that way, print it out, whatever you please. I really am serious about this.
primaldog
Sep. 5th, 2007 12:14 am (UTC)
Re: (Continued from previous)
'm sorry for whatever pain I've caused all of you because of my relationship with her. Here's my vow:

Words mean nothing, actions mean everything. So why should I take any of this at face value honestly? Do you really think this is going to make it all better? Unicorns will fly out of my ass before this sort of statement just makes everything better. I'm not holding my breath, nor am I puckering.
aekiy
Sep. 5th, 2007 12:21 am (UTC)
Re: (Continued from previous)
Which is why I specifically said the only way I can prove it is by given it a good three years or more time of acting according to the vow I just made. I'll reiterate that it's up to you whether or not you care to be around during that time. I'm not saying that to be challenging, but because your sentiments have left me with the impression that maybe you wouldn't care to be around to see the proof. I hope that I'm wrong about that, because I feel like we had a pretty decent friendship going in the past, and I'd like to try and work towards salvaging that if it's possible.
kitten_goddess
Sep. 5th, 2007 08:45 pm (UTC)
Congratulations on getting to telework!
aekiy
Sep. 5th, 2007 11:51 pm (UTC)
Thanks! Once this gets rolling, I should finally have the spare money to start really getting the ball rolling on my health, so it makes me really happy.
( 20 comments — Leave a comment )

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