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A step on the path

Saturday I did my taxes like a good little creature.  As I'd hoped, I am getting a return.  It's only about half the amount I'd hoped I might get, but it's enough.  I've transferred the $142.81 in donations I received from my PayPal account to my bank account, and today I had my blood drawn for Lyme disease and Babesiosis tests.  The results should arrive by March 16, and I have a tentative appointment for March 26.  If the results arrive before then, the nurse-receptionist will call me to let me know if I can get an earlier appointment.  That appointment will cost about $325, for which I'm about $200 short right now—so I could use a little more help, if anyone can manage.

A strong part of me is really hoping the Babesiosis test returns positive, just so I have an answer and something that can be treated which isn't directly involved in some major medical controversy.  It's not something I'll be able to afford to treat on my own, but I'm hoping the diagnosis of something noncontroversial and expensive to treat, along with proof that I can't afford to fix it, will help me to qualify for Medicaid or disability or some sort of social program so I can get my life back on track.

The doctor assured me when I saw her that after 12 to 18 months of treatment, assuming Babesiosis is what I have, I should be able to live a normal life.  There's no better thought for me than that.  I have no great ambitions to change the world or create some monument to myself.  I just want to love and be loved, do what work I'm capable of doing, and leave the world no worse a place than I entered.  I really hope that if the test does return positive, a definitive treatment course prescribed by the doctor will demonstrate that I can become a working citizen again and that I should qualify for whatever medical programs exist to help me get that treatment.

If the tests return negative, I don't feel like I have any hope for survival or for ever being a real person again—because I can't afford to have any more tests done, and my unemployment benefits end in April.

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Comments

( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
heron61
Feb. 19th, 2009 08:38 am (UTC)
I very much hope the tests turns up something that can be dealt with. Blessings to you.
aekiy
Feb. 19th, 2009 05:19 pm (UTC)
Thank you. I hope so too. I feel terrible saying things that come down to "I hope I have Babesiosis!" but I don't know what I'll do if we don't find something treatable.
sixteenbynine
Feb. 19th, 2009 03:10 pm (UTC)
My finances are in the toilet right now myself, or I'd toss some more change your way. But I really hope this turns up a clue or three. Would Babesiosis explain the gluten problems?
aekiy
Feb. 19th, 2009 05:17 pm (UTC)
I don't know if Babesiosis would explain the gluten problems, but it could explain the ongoing autoimmune issues and the worsening of my symptoms over time, as well as the neurological problems which continue even when I'm eating as best I can.
kitten_goddess
Feb. 19th, 2009 04:16 pm (UTC)
May it be Babesiosis, then, and the kind responsive to treatment.
aekiy
Feb. 19th, 2009 05:21 pm (UTC)
It seems a strange wish, but if I can get some sort of treatment, that's the important thing, so thanks.
rmash1948
Feb. 20th, 2009 12:07 am (UTC)
Here's hoping for the best all the way around, sweetie ::hugs muchly::
aekiy
Feb. 20th, 2009 12:14 am (UTC)
Danko. ::hugglesquish::
hummingwolf
Feb. 20th, 2009 02:28 pm (UTC)
I understand your wish. A few people were confused when I was happy to be diagnosed with epilepsy, but--there are treatments for epilepsy! Treatments that are imperfect, but at least they are based on more than half-assed guesswork!

May whatever you have be easily treatable
aekiy
Feb. 20th, 2009 08:48 pm (UTC)
Thank you. ::huggle::
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )

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