December 14th, 2001

lilga

Hum..

Missing entries lately.. ah well. Been tired.. lots of things. I dun even know what. I'm just kind of melting away..

Things were seemingly getting kinda nice.. now there's all this burning again.. Can't even touch some people, it stings. I want to see Jana.. Chris is going to be home today, for three weeks, Christmas vacation. I want to go see him.. I might be able to go tomorrow morning, but I have to worry about getting to work in the afternoon/evening.. I just know I'm going to wind up there so long that I don't get home till the next day again. Just yesterday, I got out a couple minutes after 10:00, and as it turns out the next bus wasn't until 11:05.. which means it didn't show up till about 11:15. And I didn't get home until midnight. 11:58 according to the coffee pot.

Sometimes I wonder if it even matters.. it's not like I really have a home, anyway.. How is it that I have a place to live, and yet feel homeless? Lifeless.. I've always been dead. This has never really been a life to me. Just a really slow and painful death.. And I wish it would just end, or something, go somewhere.. Have some kind of freeping destination.   >*<

I knew a girl who would run away from everything.. and at times, she'd be stuck in the moment, couldn't find a place to run to.. and she'd just say, "I want to go home"... To her, I say.. At least you have the prospect of a home to go to...
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