February 3rd, 2002

lilga

Dreams...

I've not been sleeping, lately. This is nothing new. Something that comes and goes...Sometimes seems to come more than go. I'm an insomniac. Even when I do manage to get any rest, though, I don't tend to dream. I don't reach a full state of REM. The closest I get is these shattered visions that are completely incomprehensible.

So, I finally decided to ask a good friend of mine about lucid dreaming. Something I do plan on getting into. It's basically a way of controlling your dreams...Or, by some views, the art of travelling more "consciously" in the dreamworld. Anyway...He basically said that the first step, is simply to tell yourself to dream. This is of course difficult for me, since in general, I don't even sleep. However...I did it. I asked that I sleep, and I asked that I dream, and I did. Didn't get much...But I did dream.

It was an odd dream, that didn't last that long...And for some reason, I woke up in a sweat. May have been because of the emotions involved...I was at some sort of a camp. As in, a large-scale camping trip was going on. Perhaps a gather. The area actually was rather reminiscent of my old school grounds...except no school was there. It was a thinly wooded area, giving enough space to camp in. And it had a long, oval-shaped, sandy-gravel driveway. It could be considered a wrap-around driveway, if there were anything inside it other than trees (where some people set up small camps). Anyway...Spontaneously, I was hanging along the edge of a white-mesh tent (with blue rims, IIRC), hovering over the face of my former lover, who was lying on her back, head poking out the tent's opening.

Unfortunately, not having taken my friend's advice and written it all down right away, I do not recall all words that were spoken, in their entirety. I do, however, recall that she said "I love you": That was the important part. And that we kissed when she said so. There was no big, passionate moment; no sorrowful feelings or anything of the sort. It was pure and simple; She told me she loved me, and in reply, I kissed her. We kissed; It wasn't merely my lips pressed against her's, as it was in the last days of our relationship...

I don't know if we officially declared ourselves to be "going out" again. I don't believe we did. We didn't need to. We loved each other, and that was enough for the both of us. Somehow, I ended up inside a darker tent...Which actually, was fashioned to be more of a carriage. Not your old-fashioned stage coach; it was made out of nylons and such, and was all black as well. It was dark inside, and I was there, and suddenly She seemed to fade into existence. Just appeared there, as a hallucination at first; Nude, at that, making the usual attempts at seduction.

A line, for some reason, had formed outside of the "coach." It seemed to be for another cause; As perhaps there was something nearby that people were waiting for. However, it did pass the coach, and there was a young couple (appeared to be African-American, perhaps early twenties) just outside; The male of which poked his head in through a very small, open window (which I believe was one of those zipper-windows you generally get on tents, but very small). He made some crude comment about the girl in question's attractiveness, which upset me, and I made no attempt to hide the fact (at this point, I might add, She had become completely real, rather than the hallucination she originated as). It excited her, however. An argument started, and things are a bit sketchy from there; As if they weren't fully played out in the dream itself. I made some arguments about him being there with his lover, and that I'm sure she wouldn't appreciate the comment; Which is how I was justifying my being upset in the addition to the fact that I should have my own right to privacy with my lover, and what have you...

Well, I walked away from the argument for a while. Stormed off, actually. I recall stomping off angrily, wanting to be violent, and actually kicking around a stray beach chair (which, when I think of it, reminds me of one of the old, solid-green-fabric beach chairs my family had). I walked along the long, oval driveway; Perhaps not all the way. This is another sketchy detail, as my mind was jumping around. Somehow, it seems, I picked up a couple of useless items along the way; Like a small pebble, wrappers, whatever. The items weren't specific, except one. When I went back to a picnic table, occupied by my lover, we were still rather upset with each other, and did argue a bit. But then I emptied my pocket (I do not know that the items were picked up along the way; In fact, I feel equally strong about that as I do that the items were things I'd intentionally kept there).

I grasped the items and placed them on the table, between myself and my lover. One of them stood out instantly. It was a silver ring. Not just any silver, either. A silver the likes of which cannot be found naturally on this world. It gleamed. She immediately grasped it, and seemed utterly ecstatic. I don't know why--perhaps she was too excited to hand it properly--but I picked it from her hands, and held it out for her to see. At this point, it was not a ring, but a necklace; Or perhaps more accurately, a pendant on a chain. It did not gleam quite as it had in ring form, but as I held it out for the both of us to see, I noticed the pattern. The object on the chain actually did have somewhat of an odd ring shape; it wasn't a perfect circle, and was thin around the back, growing thicker to the front to display its carving. The symbol was of a rose, with a thorn-cross protruding from it. As in, literally, a cross of four thorns, each pointing outward from the center of the rose, in the usual NESW pattern a cross follows. This...Is as much as I can recall. Save that she was still very ecstatic about the item, much as I was myself, as it seemed a symbol for us somehow. It somehow meant something great for us; That we would always be special to each other, and everything would be okay, no matter what we each go through, or what arguments arise.

This unfortunately seems oddly contradictory to how things have been so far in the waking world. Which, any psychiatrist could easily say means the dream was simply a wish of mine; that everything would be all right between She and I. However, I have a tendency to believe dreams are more than simple, subconscious wants and needs and the like. So...We shall see. I will enjoy the fact that I did dream, though. And continue to hope that I do more of this.

Good night, friends
  • Current Music
    Renaissance - Running Hard