July 24th, 2002

lilga

"Survey"

What color pants are you wearing?: Black
What song are you listening to?: None, currently. (Frightening, isn't it?)
What taste is in your mouth?: Bacon.
What's the weather like?: Calm and cool, cloud filled sky.
How are you?: That's always a difficult question. But I guess, really, I'm okay. Some things could be better, but I'm okay.

--Do You--

Get motion sickness?: If I try and concentrate on something like reading or video games while in a car or such, yes.
Have a bad habit?: Plenty, I'm sure.
Get Along With Your Parents?: On a relative level. Mostly by staying away from them and only speaking nonsensically.
Like To Drive?: Depends...
Type With Fingers On The Right Keys?: Yep.
Drink?: Four times so far, but very lightly. I despise alcohol.
Smoke?: Never.
Wear Contacts?: Yes.
Have Any Siblings?: Yes.

--Favorites--

Relative: Hm... My younger brother, I suppose.
TV Show: ::scratches head:: Tough one, since I don't watch much TV. But I do enjoy Farscape, when I catch it.
Shampoo: None in particular.
Commercial: Hm... I like the ones for "Mike's Hard-" drinks. And the recent "Bugles" commercial.
Book: Hard to say, I haven't read many. The Seeds of Time was interesting.
Magazine: I don't read magazines... But I always loved ones like Popular Science, and Omni before it disappeared.
Non-Alcoholic Drink: ...I standardly just drink milk, iced tea (with ginseng and honey), or water.
Alcoholic Drink: None. (Though I find Butterschnaps leaves a delicious taste on my lips.)
Things To Do On The Weekend: Whatever happens. I like to hang out with friends, mostly. During the day, I'd love to go out and have fun. At night, I like to just relax--outside or in--and chat, maybe come up with some interesting ideas.
Band: Fates Warning.
Singer: Hm, hard to say. Possibly the lead from Blackmore's Night.
Movie: Also difficult to decide. I like a lot of different movies for a lot of different reasons. The Shawshank Redemption, Dark City, The Matrix, Lilo & Stitch...
Food: Most anything with tomato sauce. Also, love good chicken. (Fried, broiled, what have you.) Snackwise, I like crunchy things. Namely Doritos, Tostitos (with salsa... must have salsa), and Utz's extra-crunchy peanut-oil chips.
School: ... I enjoyed the summer workshop I went to at the Art Institute of Philadelphia.
Clothes: Loose fitting, generally dark. Or sometimes a light top / dark bottom thing.
Boy Name: Not something...
Girl Name: ...I really think about.
Hangout: Philly, South St. I love that place. Other than that, a nice shop like Borders or some such. (Have never seen a B&N)
Restaurant: ::shrug:: If it's a good restaurant, it's a good restaurant. I like fancy ones, but I also like a relaxed atmosphere, so... It's really a place-by-place decision. No particular one.
Feeling: Calmness... Being one with the world. And also the feeling of loving people that love me.
Sport: ... Cheese?
Music: Ah, a lot of things. Generally more obscure music, but in the end, anything with Soul, or Spirit. I can't stand most of today's completely superficial, money-raking, so-called music.
Store: Uh, Borders I suppose. As far as chain stores go.
Dog Breed: Hm, I like Huskies...
Cat Breed: Hmm... ::shrug::
Bird Breed: Blue Heron.
Fish Breed: Uh, not really...
Day Of The Year: ...
Month: Silly questions.

--Future--

In Five Years: Further along my path than I am now, I hope.
Ten: Hopefully, I'll have begun travelling outside the country by then. ::grin::
Marriage Season: ?
Place: ...
Honeymoon: Hm.
Goals: Yes.

--Have You--

Ran Away From Home: Not for long.
Ever Cheated On A Test: Nope.
Stayed Up Till Four On The Phone: Only 4:00? ::chuckle::
Snuck Out Of The House: Yes, but not so much that I had to, as I prefered to go unnoticed.
Ever Gone Skinny Dipping: Yes, actually. (o*o)
Made a Prank Phone Call: Nope.
Ever Tipped Over A Porta Potty: No.
Used Your Parents Credit Card Before: With permission.
Skipped School Before: Hm... I don't think I did. Which isn't to say I never cut classes...
Fell Asleep In Shower/Bath: Oh yes, it's very interesting.
Fell Asleep While Eating: No.
Fell Asleep While Driving: Almost daily, for a while there.
Driven A Car: That's rather a silly question at this point, isn't it...?
Ever Met Someone Famous: That's a perspective issue, I suppose.
Wanted To Die: Way too often.
Been On A Plane: Yep.
Went Swimming In The Ocean: Yes, but not in a long time. Around here? Yuck.
Been In A School Play: Nope.
Cried In Public: Mm, ya...
Let A Friend Cry On Your Shoulder: Of course..
Gone To Church: Uch. Sadly.
Read The Bible: Not in a long time. And never all of it.
Fished: Yes.
Cacair: ?
Seen Someone Die: Not this time around...

--Love--

Boyfriend?: Er... No.
Sexuality?: Hetero, odd as that is.
Virginity Existant?: How long does it take before you're a virgin again...?
Children?: That's kind of a difficult question...
Current Crush?: None.
Been In Love?: Oh yes. Most definitely.
Been Out With Someone?: Er... Yes? (Perhaps these are in the wrong order...?)
Too Shy?: Yes.
Been Hurt?: Daily.
Have You Ever Said "I Love You" And Meant IT?: I cannot say it otherwise...
Cheated On Someone?: No. I thought I did, once, and felt terrible, but... She doesn't feel that way. It was only an online "thing," with someone half a world away that I'd never have met...
Gone Out With Someone You Only Knew For Three Days?: Er, hm. No, I think technically we'd met more than three days before we'd started going out. Possibly had only seen each other three days in that time, though. Hard to recall...
Who Do You Want To Spend The Rest Of Your Life With?: Me, hopefully. And the people I love. There's no one in particular that I have hopes for the future with, right now...

--Medical--

Fracture History: Nope.
Operation History: None.
Allergies: Standard, dust and pollen.
Had Stitches: Nope.
Cavities: None.
Phobia/s: None, really. A bit of claustrophobia at times. And I've been careful about heights ever since falling out of a tree as a kid.

--Pets--

Current Pets: A cat, Faustamoose.
Most Unusual Pet's You've Had: I've only ever had cats, though the family had a couple birds years ago... Oh! Briefly, I had a salamander. He kind of vanished, though... Was never found. (o*o)
Best Current Pet: Um, only one. The aforementioned cat.
Have You Ever Shaved Your Cat: Uh, no... That's just wrong.

--Random--

What Is Your Most Prized And Most Important Possession?: Hm... My Soul? Other than that, I can't really claim to possess anything.
First thing when you wake Up, You: Go to the bathroom, both to use and to drink some water (I dehydrate).
Your Mouse Pad Has On It: One of those nifty, island paradise images showing the ocean and it's creatures and such.
What Is On The Walls In Your Room?: A puzzle, a silly picutre, and a mirror full of things (half of which is old artwork of mine).
What Do You Wear To Bed?: Depends. Sometimes undergarments. Sometimes flop fully clothed (most often, I think). And very, very rarely, nothing at all.
Thinking Of Right Now?: Things, people. Lots of thoughts popping up from all these questions.
What Do You Do That Really Pisses Off your Friends?: Nothing, really. I only have one friend that really gets pissed off at me. And the answer to that would be "disagreeing," plain and simple.
Do You Have A Job?: Not currently. I'm working on some things.
Your CD Player Has In It Right Now?: I have a CD player? (o*O)! The computer's CD-ROM drive has Diablo II: Lord of Destruction in it.
After School/Work You: Generally flop, try and relax after the day, sometimes veg a little in front of the TV or somesuch. Then usually try and either A) Get online, or B) Get on the phone. I like to keep in contact with my friends.
If You Were A Crayon, What Color Whould you Be?: Probably none.
What Makes You Happy?: Didn't we already answer this question? Ah, I think the "Favorite Feeling" catergory applies here.
What's The Next CD Your Gonna Get? Probably none. I only have, I think, three. I don't have a CD player, so I mostly just collect MP3s off of CDs owned by brother and parents (Mostly my father, since I really don't care for my mother's taste in "music").
Who Do You Consider Good Friends?: J. Jana. Chris, sometimes. Robyn, certainly, though I don't get to see or talk to her often. Patty, of course, I still love her; But she doesn't come first in mind, since we're not really in contact these days... Des, however, is a confusing situation. I love her to death, but she's not always a great friend. In fact, it almost seems like two weeks out of the month we're good friends, whereas during the other two ... It's an odd situation.
What Do You Like To Do?: ...? More than one thing, surely. Probably some things I haven't done yet.

-------------------------

Eating Disorders: Unscheduled, irregular eating habits.
PMS: ? I don't think this applies..
Marilyn Manson: He was interesting. I don't personally care for false images.
Guy Bands: Ew, god no.
Premarital Sex: Hm.
Titanic: ... Uch.
Jerry Springer: It's incredible how stupid people can be... No thanks.
Suicide: I'm over that... I'm pretty sure.
Self-mutilation: Yes, though I find I'm not very good at it.
Dreams: I like dreams. They're interesting. I very rarely get them, though... Which of course, tends to make them rather significant when I do.
lilga

(no subject)

Well... I've been removed from someone's Friends list. God only knows why. I'm certain no one else does, not even the person in question.

It's funny, how whenever a certain male figure shows up in her life, I am instantaneously hated, for reasons unknown, even to her.

At least, I can rest to some extent, on the fact I know I've done nothing wrong. I despise being hated. But I cannot keep people from hating me for no reason.

Funnier still, is that there has only ever been one person that hated me. And it's the one I've always loved the most.

Still, I Live.
It's a shame she opts to Die.
lilga

Oy vey...

So from what I gather, it's another matter of miscommunication. Ye ole "she said, he said" bull shit. I hate that. Fucking talk to the person in question if there might be a problem. Find out what they have to say, find out what the real situations is; Don't just take things as they appear because one person said this. Stop making assumptions. Assumptions have always been the major failing point.

Okay, I'm told the problem is: "... she has the idea in her head that [I] told Duo that A: Dez is only using Duo for sex and B: Dez will never love Duo like she loves [me]."

Oh yeah, that really sounds like me. Duo and I were chatting one day, when Des was out, about a bunch of things really, and of course Des was a topic that came up. She happens to be a rather interesting person (Warning: Major understatement o*o). Anyway.. The subject of Duo's relationship with Des came up. Duo brought it up, because he wasn't sure just how Des felt about him. I simply offered my perspective, that it appears to me she loves him like a brother, and also likes to have fun with him. It's sort of a "friends with benefits" situation, except more, because they have that brother / sister type of closeness going for them. But anyway, I said that basically seems how it is, and that Des didn't necessarily want any kind of commitment involved as such. I was also very specific that this was simply how I saw things, how the seem to be in my eyes, but that I could also be terribly, horribly wrong. I used those exact words, even.

I never said anything about how Des may or may not feel about me. Never alluded to it--either way--in the slightest. I don't know where that came from... Fact is, I've been quite confused about how Des feels about me as well. I get reassurance in certain things, now and then but... Regardless, I never mentioned anything along those lines. That's just silly... And would have been cruel for me to do so, particularly in that case.

Why do people have a tendency to think such terrible things about me..? Do I really present myself as such a monster...?
lilga

As an amendment to my last post, I have a favor to ask of everyone...

If you have a problem with me, come to me about it. Let me know what's wrong, what's happened or is happening. I'll be more than happy to work things out with you. If things can't be worked out, then well, that's a shame.. But if it can't be done, it can't be done, and at least we tried. I find, it's very rare that things can't be done. Just a simple talk will usually clear everything up.

But please, please talk to me about these things.. Don't just go around spreading rumors and what not. At least let me know what the story is, and perhaps be kind enough to allow me to speak my mind, let you know what my perspective is. Because there is always more than one perspective in a situation, not just one, simple truth. People are emotional creatures, and as such, information is delicate. If you weren't there, and someone tells you what happened, come to me and ask me about it. Don't just assume one side of the story is right. Because in most cases, neither side is right. In any given situation, there is one person's truth, the other person's truth, and the truth, which is much harder to come by.

Perspectives change everything. Seek the truth, not just the appearance.

Thanks,
'Kash