September 24th, 2002


I'm waaaaiting..

Today is the day.. I get my answer. Whether or not I'll be moving in with J. If it's a yes, I'll get right to packing up everything, and I'll be down in Florida in a few days. That's right! I'll be a thousand miles away in a few days, and not just for a short visit. This'll be the first time living away from my family.. and the third home I've ever lived in. So I'll have much to do.. closing out bank accounts so I can start new ones down there. Packing up all the things I'll need when I'm down there. Burning copies of the data on this computer, throwing away lots of old stuff.. saying good bye to my whole life so far... all my past up to this point..

It's alot. It's a big step for me, and I'm going to miss some people, however rarely I may see or speak to them.. It'll be alot more rare real soon, more than likely. Though I'll try and keep in contact with anyone who wants it as much as I can.

My first real event aside from the move will be to attend the KinSouth gather, held by Spearcarrier (aka Kat, aka Blue). It's an everybody-welcome gather for the south-east, held in Jacksonville (official dates, 18-20 of October--more if you pay for the extra days), but from the feel I've gotten, it will have a slightly angelic focus.

Aside from that.. I'll be trying to make sure I have an income. Which seems to be looking up as well, since the place where my friend works is looking to get rid of an employee. ::grins:: So we'll see.. I intend to try my best, and at least I have some money saved up so I can last a few months.. It will be good to be with some other friends down there.

It looks like what I'll be doing is taking a flight to Orlando, though we still have to work out my transportation from there to DeLand. If I'd only had the personal transportation, I'd have loved to make a road trip out of it.. but ah well. Sometimes things just don't work out that way. I still feel completely positive about the move. And with how things should settle down there, I feel, there should be time for other trips.. ::grin:: I do hope to go to WTT6, and possibly even Kin North.. all depending on certain factors... ( you know who you are.. ::chuckle:: )

Well, so that's the update.. I'd love to see anybody and everybody I can before I go. Or anybody in Florida when I get there.. ::grin:: That would be nice.. but of course I'll have some work ahead of me. So at this point, I have but to continue waiting for that phone call..

more to come...
  • Current Mood
    anxious anxious

then again..

I must retract part of my former statement.. I will not be attending Kin North after all. It would be too much of a drain on my resource.. and I was merely thinking of something as a promise to keep, but realizing it was only a suggestion and not an actual promise.. it will not be happening. Also realizing who the "promise" was to.. I cannot afford to further place resources in attempting to "make things right" with an obsessive.

I've realized that, unfortunately, sometimes you do indeed need to "give up the fight," and let things happen as they must.. Some people are in fact the problems they appear to be, and will not be fixed no matter what efforts one may put into them. It is best, in this case, that I leave it be.. in all my hopes that my light might be able to be of some help, I found that it is merely yet another source for the obsessives' consumption.. and I cannot allow that to continue. After all, more is needed for my own endeavors.

So.. I wish them the best, and hope for them a progressive and influential journey.

Now knowing what Rialian means by "re writing history".. it is interesting to be accused (albeit not to my face) of certain things, such as disallowing someone a polygamous lifestyle. Quite interesting, since I was actually quite comfortable with the idea of them being polygamous initially. It was the dishonesty which turned me away. The need to be subservient, devious.. I would have had no problem if they were having open relationships with other people, and being honest about them. The problem comes in, in the lies, the deceit, and the constant attempts at manipulation.. many of which worked well, if only for my own efforts to show my caring. Which is unfortunately as I've realized a part of this person's faux pas.. a part of their manipulative behavior, to play off of others' feelings of care for them. Always giving just enough glimpse of something good.. to give one hope that the bad will be out weighed, in the end. Which unfortunately has not been the case..

Ah well.. a lesson learned. I am glad to be progressing on my own, and actually learning these lessons again.. it took quite some time to get myself back on track. But finally, things are working smoothly again.. I am re realizing my actuality. After quite some time of even myself becoming an obsessive, in hopes that my joining them might have a positive outcome..

It has. Just not how I thought.
  • Current Mood
    thoughtful thoughtful